The Art of Karaoke

Karaoke: from the Japanese, meaning to get drunk and sing badly into a microphone in front of the whole bar.

Some people find "Karaoke Night" at a bar as the Seventh Level of Hell. Some people cruise bar after bar, hitting a different karaoke night a few times a week. For most of us, karaoke is an infrequent occurrence often brought about by a friend's silly birthday idea or an "adventure" planned by coworkers. Either way, don't be afraid if you're dragged out one night for karaoke. Here are some tips and tricks for what you'll see, and advice for how not to be "THAT GUY."

Don't be the...

SAD BASTARD. Radiohead does not have a home in karaoke. Karaoke is all about FUN, and singing "Creep" only kills everyone's buzz. Don't be a Debby Downer.
(This falls into the larger category of "POOR SONG CHOICE PEOPLE"...)

THE "SEXY" DRUNK GIRL. Oh yeah, squeeze yourself into some tight tube top, down a bunch of tequila, and jump up onstage to sing "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls. Um, if we're your friends, we're squirming awkwardly for you, or we're uploading this performance to YouTube as you sing. Try not to fall off the stage while you're "sexy dancing."

THE FORMER CHOIR STAR. I get it- you once won the junior high talent show singing Bette Midler's "The Rose." But that was 1998, and you haven't been in choir since Brittany Spears was a virgin. Let...it...goooooo.

CAPTAIN OBVIOUS. Want to sing "Summer Lovin'" from Grease? Join the club. Can I NOT hear this song for the 18th million time?! That'd be greeeeeaat, thanks.

THE MUMBLING RAPPER. You sing along to Barenaked Ladies in the car? Think you know all the lyrics? Not when you're drunk and a microphone is in hand. Try to avoid songs with fast tempos- amateurs need not apply.

THE SPOTLIGHT HOGGER. Try to limit yourself to two to three songs, Former Choir Star. Yes, people may compliment your singing. Don't take it as an invitation to sing four more songs.

THE NON-PARTICIPATING JUDGE. Regardless of the criticisms above, it takes a lot of courage (or vodka) to get onstage and make a potential fool of yourself. So the worst person in the karaoke bar is the one who doesn't have the balls to sing, but loves to criticize every person onstage. Step up or shut up, dude.


So, go have some fun and try to limit the drinks (and the songs)!