As an amateur observer and practitioner of fashion, and a student of history, it is no surprise to learn that fashion is often recycled and recast in cyclical patterns. Of course, it makes sense that floral patterns are popular in the spring, while earth tones dominate in the fall. Optical patterns will distract from your big butt; tailored jackets give you the illusion of a waist. Simple. Reasonable. In my humble opinion, however, certain trends need to be forever dead and buried, with no possibility of fashion reincarnation, particularly not in adult fashion.
1. Tie dye. Really? In case you don’t realize this yet, it’s ugly, and should only be used as an art project for five year olds. After that, please let it reside in the Woodstock archives alongside patchouli. Sheesh, you dirty hippies and your assault on my eyes and sense of smell! Did you know that patchouli was used in ancient cultures to cure deadly snakebites? That’s because it’s so disgusting and strong even venom can’t compete.
2. Text on the seat of pants. Good God, this goes along with t-shirts featuring cows, cats, or horizontal stripes on women weighing over 160 lbs. Maybe if you’re a 15 year old cheerleader you can wear some sweatpants that say “Juicy” across the butt. And guess what, when they look back on those pictures 15 years later, they will have the same reaction you did to photos of yourself in a neon orange and fluorescent green L.A. Gear t-shirt and a hair scrunchie. Stupid trends are for teenagers- please let’ em have them.
3. Butterflies. Why is this still a design motif? Why are grown women wearing this? I don’t want a necklace, a bracelet, a patterned dress- anything of fashion with a butterfly on it. Why? Because I am not 13. Nuff said…
4. I HEART Paris. What a surprise- most people wearing these shirts have never been to Paris (or NY, or Hawaii, or whatever exotic locale is advertised across their Old Navy t-shirt). And people who have…wouldn’t wear this dumb shirt. Maybe instead it should read, “I’m a dumb American, but I hear Paris is really great.”
5. Logos. Whoever came up with the idea of charging people to advertise for their clothing companies by emblazoning their name across an overpriced cotton shirt is a genius. The people who buy them? Well, you know what they say about a fool and their money…they are soon parted.
