How to Talk to Your Server

According to Research and Market reports, more than half of adults agree that eating out is an essential part of their lifestyle. We go on business lunches, dates, socialize with friends, or just avoid an empty fridge at home. Why then do so many people not know how to talk to their server?

Ok, I’m going to avoid the subject of incompetent servers for a moment here- that’s another topic for another day. Let’s review the common mistakes made by diners when addressing their servers.

Situation: Your server comes to the table and greets you, “Hi. How are you doing today?” Your response, “I would like a Coke.” Really? They asked you a question. Answer it. We all know their next question is probably going to be to ask you for your choice of beverage. You are too impatient to smile back and answer their question? Rude.

Situation: You ask your server for an iced tea. The server goes and gets your iced tea. Now, even though you drink iced tea with a slice of lemon and one sugar packet, you fail to ask the server for that when you ordered your drink. The server returns, and you say,” Oh. Can I have a lemon please?” Maybe you should think things through. The server is not a mind reader. If you know you are going to need something, ask for it in advance. Don’t run your server ragged. They will be less likely to keep coming back.

Situation: You are eating your food and need something. You ask the first person you see, who is not your server. Ok, now I know the server is not standing over your table at all times. However, the other servers (and bussers and hosts) are not all at your beck and call. It is polite to ask the other employees to send for your server. Don’t ask them to do it for you. Are you going to tip them? Then ask for the person who is working for your tip. The whole restaurant is not your staff of servants. Don’t know what your server’s name is or what they look like? Well, if you had taken the time to smile and return their eye contact, you could have avoided this.

Situation: You are finished with your meal and would like a box to take the rest home. You say, “ You can go ahead and box this.” (Your server is probably thinking, “Oh. CAN I? Gee, thanks.”) First of all, this is very assuming. Some servers will box your food. Some are worried they may accidentally touch or drop your food. Some have several other tables and can’t spend fifteen minutes at each table boxing everyone’s food. Are you seriously incapable of boxing your own food that you will touch and eat yourself? Secondly, it is very impolite to tell someone what to do. Alternate response: “May I have a box please?” Yes, you may.

Of course, there are many more situations to discuss, but overall, be courteous to your server. Sometimes you will need to repeat yourself- you are probably not their only table. Secondly, don’t run them around. After greeting you, fetching your drinks, taking your order, bringing your food, getting you extra condiments, bringing you a box, running out your check, and bringing back your credit card receipt or change, they’ve probably been to your table a minimum of 7-10 times. You’ve sat in their section for about an hour, and then you tip them 3 dollars? Or 5 dollars? It’s one thing to tip well (and courtesy is never a substitute for a good tip) but remember, your server is a person too. They’re just trying to do a good job, so treat them with respect and dignity.